Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
