The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
