i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
