i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
