can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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