i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
