How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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