I think my fart just growled at me.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize