He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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