OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
