His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
