I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
