when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
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