You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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