Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
