I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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