I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
