I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize