Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
