ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
