her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
