help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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