She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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