What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
