I'm drive I can fine osifer
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize