Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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