I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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