Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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