Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
