I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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