i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize