U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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