Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
