have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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