I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
