Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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