they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
