Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
