Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
