The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize