somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
