My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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