I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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