I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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