i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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