Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
