I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
