Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
