I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I looked at my own cervix.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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