I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
