I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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