The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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