the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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