overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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