guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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