So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
