your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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