Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
