Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My friends, they love my intelligence
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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