I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
