I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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