just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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