no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
