There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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