I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
