Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
