I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
