I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
