i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
