Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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