Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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