Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
