Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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