no, he came in my armpit
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
