Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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