Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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