Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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