I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
