you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
