i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
