how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
