I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
