Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
