I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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