oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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