I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize