I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
