No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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