THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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