Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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