So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
we're so committed to being not committed
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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