This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize
