If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
