he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Randomize
