Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
