The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
